Shortly after my memoir came out, three people told me what they thought of my book. These people are close to me and were mentioned in FREAK several times. Their involvement in my life was recorded in its pages.

One of the three wished I hadn’t included a certain chapter, saying it was inappropriate. She also expressed her concern for part of another chapter. But other than that, she said my book was excellent. She had all kinds of praise to give me.

The second of the three people told me how powerful my book is, that it will help so many people who desperately need it, and that I am already making a difference in this world. She had nothing but uplifting things to say to me.

The third person who gave me her opinion started the conversation by saying she was only going to talk about the sections that she herself was mentioned in. “I don’t want you to think I’m selfish if I only talk about parts that involve me, but…” This line says so much about her intentions behind her lecture before it even began.

She discussed several areas throughout my memoir where she was mentioned, prepared with her defense. Most of the conversation focused on one very politically polarizing chapter, and she defended her position. “I don’t want to argue with you, but…” Starting by saying you don’t want to argue tells me that the words following that phrase could only be words worth arguing over. You wouldn’t argue over words of understanding or empathy. You’d only argue over points of disagreement. This woman didn’t care to discuss the pain and heartache I went through and divulged in that chapter, how I was afraid and alone. Instead, she was more interested in defending her political position than giving me support, love, or words of encouragement.

My memoir was already published. And it was MY memoir— stories about the struggles and difficulties of MY life, not hers. She only discussed places in the book where she was personally mentioned, only the areas where she was negatively mentioned, and she stood her ground and explained away why she did or said what she did and said.

Word to the Wise

Three people. One with a couple concerns and a lot of praise. One with a constant flow of love and encouragement. And one completely void of hope and drowning in selfishness.

Be careful who you let speak into your life. Listen to those who not only are there to lift your life up but who also want to help you be of help to others. If you come across people who are only interested in making themselves appear better and diminish your work or your value to the world, don’t entertain them. Let their words fall on deaf ears. Life is too short. Go be a light that dims for no one.